anger
i have this anger that builds inside of me
i vent...and then feel i'm not being 'buddhist' because i'm negative, self-righteous...
then i know i'm only doubling my suffering by blaming
gosh it's so hard ;)
i guess there is a valid reason to vent - i did come back from a friend's house today a bit lifted, because things were said that bothered me
but i feel i should maybe look at things differently then complain about them or think that i have the right answers and others are wrong
for me this is the struggle at the moment:
allowing myself to be who i am...and do the things i do...without criticizing myself
maitri
yes, it all looks so easy when you write it down or listen to it from a lecture on a cd
but i feel guilty that maybe i'm not trying hard enough to change my attitude or to accept things as they are or to believe that others may not know any differently.........
it's such a shift in thinking...that i haven't been able to realize, yet
patience, dear marlaine, patience
today, i am thankful for:
i vent...and then feel i'm not being 'buddhist' because i'm negative, self-righteous...
then i know i'm only doubling my suffering by blaming
gosh it's so hard ;)
i guess there is a valid reason to vent - i did come back from a friend's house today a bit lifted, because things were said that bothered me
but i feel i should maybe look at things differently then complain about them or think that i have the right answers and others are wrong
for me this is the struggle at the moment:
allowing myself to be who i am...and do the things i do...without criticizing myself
maitri
yes, it all looks so easy when you write it down or listen to it from a lecture on a cd
but i feel guilty that maybe i'm not trying hard enough to change my attitude or to accept things as they are or to believe that others may not know any differently.........
it's such a shift in thinking...that i haven't been able to realize, yet
patience, dear marlaine, patience
today, i am thankful for:
- warmth
- friends...even when i am not so versed in social norms [oh...how i judge!]
- this underlying feeling i have that makes me believe that things are truly fine...always
posted by me at 11:19 p.m.
9 Comments:
Marlaine, I recently noticed that you had thanked a fellow blogger for loving her children so, i have it was so beautiful it actualy brought tears to my eyes ,like now as i type this comment. What a compassionate thing to say, It touched my heart, I will remember it.
Not really the sort of thing one would expect from an angry, self-rightous heart,.....is it. ;)
marlaine: anger is so tough because it is almost like a taboo emotion in stereotypical buddhist thinking. but it is not taboo, wrong, or unbuddhist. as someone advised me: practice clear seeing, be the anger, sit with it...it's hard i know!! i'm working on it too.
Hello, my old friend anger. I know you well. Would you mind stepping aside for a few minutes while I follow my breath? Maybe we can talk later, when I feel calmer.
only thing I could add is that anger hurts you just as much as it hurts anyone else.
So, why hurt yourself if you can just let it go? (not so easy to apply I know)
marlaine:
i was listening to a thich nhat hanh cd this morning and i thought of this post/issue. he said that it is important not to suppress our anger, because that is an act of violence to ourselves. we must allow our anger to be, and to take care of it with mindfulness. to reject our anger is to reject ourselves, because at that moment we are our anger. i found this very interesting, i hope you do too.
fyi: i thought this was such an insightful post (and blog) that i cited it on a blog i contribute to called "zen filter" www.zenfilter.blogspot.com.
Marlaine, are you alright ?
We all feel that way in certain aspects, it happens. I accept it and move on to better things
mr newt - i am touched that you thought my comment to haiku was kind...i think i forget that i do have nice qualities too...along with all of the qualities that i want to improve
yes, i'm ok...but my computer is not...will be back soon :)
haiku - thanks for the support :) tnh is so kind and forgiving - it humbles me so! i forget to forgive myself for being human at times...
jim - i wish the anger did not build in me so...i try very hard at school to be patient with the students and not be angry, i must do this with myself too :)
always dare - yes, i keep trying :) thanks!
ole blue - hello! yes...i have a difficult time moving on...i keep practising :)
You have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now (and that includes the comments.) Thanks to everyone. :)
Kitty
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