and so it grows...

my blog reads are growing
the world-wide sangha is growing
this elates me
'envision things as you'd like to see them'
thay must be very patient
he has waited a long time for people to be with him - to see his vision...he never gives up
perhaps he knows that it is just as it is, i suppose
that's so hard for me to grasp at times
i want things to be the way i want them to be right now!
the garage, basement, relationships, the school environment...me
i still have to come to terms with how it is
i dislike how it is so often
it's messy, harsh, cold, self-serving, unfair, mean
i don't think it should be this way
i'm trying to make it nicer, calmer, more compassionate

what i find so disheartening because i do see so clearly that:
it is in me :(